literature

Not Over You

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Literature Text

   "You need to stop keeping things from me!" Dean screamed, throwing the cheap motel lamp off of the table.  "What the hell is up with you Sam?  You're acting all kinds of crazy."

    "I'm fine Dean!" Sam yelled back, frustrated.  "Stop getting so worried about me, I can take care of myself!  We're not kids anymore!" Sam lied through his teeth.  What he was feeling was the complete opposite of what he said.  He felt like a train wreck.  Dean was right.  There was something up with him lately and he was acting all kinds of crazy, but he just wasn't looking to have what his brother would call a chick flick moment.  He knew if Dean was in the same situation he wouldn't talk openly to Sam, so he didn't feel like he needed to either.  Plus, it's not like Dean would take well to what he had to say.
    
    "Fine!" Dean hissed when he realized Sam wasn't going to budge.  He angrily stormed out of the motel room, slamming the door so hard that Sam was genuinely surprised when it didn't crack in two.  When he heard the roaring of the Impala engine fading into the distance he sighed.  He knew driving calmed Dean when he was frustrated, and when he started driving, he usually didn't stop for a long time.  Good, he thought.  At least now I have some time to think.  He knew that Dean would come back eventually, but he had at least the rest of the night to himself.

    Maybe this will calm me down, Sam thought.  He lifted the cover to his laptop and slid a slightly scratched disc into the CD compartment.  The truth is, he knew watching this video would only make things worse for him, but he couldn't help it.  He just had to see his face one more time.  He hesitated for a second, but soon he clicked play and the video clip was rolling.

    First he heard a young girl's voice, which was the part he didn't care about.  Even if Sam was here to watch a video about hot, half naked, girls, she just wasn't his type, she was more for Dean.  Sam didn't even know what she was saying, he never really did focus on this part, for all he knew she could be rambling off some secret spells that could smite all existing demons.

    "Sam, Dean, you're probably wondering what the hell's going on."   

    Gabriel's familiar voice instantly caused Sam to tear up.  It felt like his heart had been ripped right out of his chest and stepped on by Lucifer himself.

    "Well, if you're watching this, I'm dead."

    He was full on sobbing now, his tears streamed down his face from his eyes that were growing redder from each drop of salty liquid that poured from them.  His body was shaking and his chest was heaving.  Almost inhuman noises escaped his mouth.  He could barely breathe.

    "Oh please!  Stop sobbing, it's embarrassing for all of us."

    Oh Gabriel, you know me so well, Sam thought.  Despite the fact that his hands were shaking uncontrollably, he managed to pause the video, he always did at this point.  Sure, it was helpful the first time around and led to the Winchester brothers stopping the apocalypse, but that was over a long time ago.  All Sam wanted now was his archangel back.  He would do anything to see him alive, even if he had to tango with Death himself again.

    The younger Winchester gently touched the computer screen.  If only this was real.  All he wanted was to be close to his archangel again.  He wanted to run his fingers through his golden hair and smell the sweet scent that radiated from his skin.  He wanted to feel his gentle touch and hold hands at the park and kiss in the rain.  He wanted to hold him tight under the covers and never let go.  He just wanted things to be back to normal again.  Sam and Dean had come back from the dead more times than he could count, so why couldn't someone, anyone, give Gabriel another chance, just one more chance.

    Sam trapped himself in his own little world where him and Gabriel owned a house and had normal lives and normal jobs.  They were a family.  Sam wasn't Lucifer's vessel and him and Dean never started the apocalypse.  His brother, who actually approved and supported his relationship, would come over with his wife, Lisa, and her son and they would all have family gatherings and Gabriel would pull pranks on them all.  He got to kiss him hello and kiss him goodnight and he never stopped telling him how much he loved him.  Oh how he wished he did that when he was still around.  Not once did he tell Gabriel how much he meant to him, and it crushed him now knowing the most important person to him didn't even know how he felt before he was gone for good.

    Just like that the tears started coming again and his body trembled.  He was whimpering and gasping for air.  "Gabriel, no." he cried out loud.  "I need you.  Please come back."  He knew it wouldn't work, he had tried to reach him before.  He had spent hours upon hours praying to someone who wasn't even there, someone that couldn't listen even if they wanted to.  Any bit of hope he still had left was gone.  He was never going to see Gabriel again.

    A familiar swoosh of angel wings came from the other side of the room.  "Hey, Cas." Sam mumbled.  He was embarrassed that Cas had to see him this way and wasn't really ready to be questioned on what was going on.

    "Ugh." came a familiar voice from the other side of the room.  "Sam what has gotten into you kiddo?  Did some scary monsters mess with your brain again?"

    It wasn't Cas.
If you ask me how I'm doing
I would say I'm doing just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth,
No matter what I say I'm not over you


This song reminded me of Sabriel so I wrote a small fic
The ending was going to be sad but I'm not evil
Happy endings kissy kissy
Comment if you want part 2. I kind of want to keep it a one shot, but if people want more I can deliver.

chapter 2: wlnchester.deviantart.com/art/…
© 2013 - 2024 labramazing
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I cried about as much as Sam just did when Gabriel died. I want him and his sick sense of humor back! *Wails*